Single guys should come with warning labels…

For those who’ve experienced the world of online dating, you know that profiles can only reveal so much about your prospective matches. Some guys are very upfront and honest. If they have kids, they say so, and in some cases they even post pictures of themselves with their kids. If they’re covered in tatts or piercings, usually those will be revealed in the obligatory shirtless pic in front of a dirty bathroom mirror. If they like exotic animals, you’re guaranteed to see a tiger or an anaconda pop up in one of the photos. Sometimes other anacondas pop up…which results in a hard swipe to the left.

And then there’s the last two guys I’ve dated. The first, Grant, was great. Very cute, an excellent conversationalist, everything his profile claimed him to be and more. Except the one part he left out–that all-too-critical part: he wouldn’t be available to date for the rest of the summer. And he played in two bands and didn’t really have a lot of free time during the rest of the year, either. But we should totally keep in touch. Riiiiight.

That takes us to Baby Blue, Mr. Kevin Kennedy. For those who read my last blog post, Kevin hit a homerun on date number one this past Monday. He far surpassed my expectations, so of course I agreed to a second date, last night. Kevin had a long day at work and accidentally fell asleep, so our date started a few hours later than intended, but he insisted on driving to my place to pick me up for a late-night stroll.

First, we stopped at Timmy’s and got some beverages, then we went down to Hog’s Back Falls, followed by a leisurely walk along the beach at Mooney’s Bay. The largest children’s playground in all of Canada is located there. It was after 10 o’clock, we were all alone, so naturally we decided to play.

This was super-fun to climb, but maybe not the best idea at night.
I actually got stuck in the belly of the great beast. I said, “Easy, big fella!”

While we were seesawing atop a wooden canoe, I saw a shooting star go zipping by. Kennedy was disappointed he missed it, but seconds later we both saw a second star shoot across the sky.

I wished upon both those stars. I wished for this to be my year to find Mr. Right. Would it be Baby Blue?

We were hanging on the covered wagon when he asked me if I wanted kids, which was hardly suitable covered wagon talk. I mean, I barely know the man! Ahem. I told him, “Yes, I’d love to have kids one day. How about you?” He said, “I have a son. Had him when I was 18. He’s 21 now.”

I’m glad it was nighttime so he couldn’t see all the colour drain out of my face. “Oh?” I said. “Just the one kid?” He shook his head. “I have a six-year-old, too. I don’t get to see him, though. That ended pretty messy, cops got involved, spent the night in jail….”

Huh. Not exactly what I wished for, shooting stars. Think we got our signals crossed there. I reacted as not-freaked-out as I could, and we carried on with the date, but it was pretty clear he was of the ‘been there, done that, failed at the daddy thing’ mindset, and not at all interested in trying again.

So that’s that. Buh-bye, Mr. Kennedy.

If these guys I’m dating continue to drop bombshells, maybe I’M the one who needs to be more clear right out of the gate. Here’s the new profile I’m working on. Let me know what you think.

Hi! I’m Julie. I’m 34, never been married, have 0 kids. Don’t smoke, occasionally drink pink girly drinks. I won’t give you herpes (looking at you, Usher), and I want babies. At least two of ’em. I’d prefer that you don’t have any kids of your own, but if you do, I hope you’re a really good father who doesn’t shy away from gushing about them. I’d like to get married and plan on having at least three choreographed dances throughout the reception, so I hope you can dance…or are willing to for me. I’m crazy about my family, I eat peanut butter by the boatload, I randomly burst into song (occasionally at inappropriate times), and I’m a really, really good girlfriend. Your parents will love me, assuming you still talk to your parents. So here’s my number. Call me, maybe?

Hey, we still have a few months left in the year, my shooting stars. It could still happen…

13 thoughts on “Single guys should come with warning labels…”

  1. Laurie says:

    Awwww. Buh bye Kennedy and I had such high hopes for him. Lorelai and Luke were right, dating is tough.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Yuh-huh. And it’s exhausting and frustrating, but it’s the only way to cure the whole being single thing…

      1. Laurie says:

        Barring a mail-ordered bride (errr groom) from the internet

  2. Michelle Kelly says:

    Are you freaking kidding me?!? Well at least he told you on the second date and before you got invested in him! Also it was the Perseid Meteor Shower you are seeing. It will be more noticeable tomorrow night. Best thing that happened last night was that you saw some of it.

    You have the absolute worst luck.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Ahh, I thought it might be the Perseid Meteor Shower! So cool! I’ll have to go back to the playground tonight. It was the perfect viewing spot.

      Things can only get better from here, right? Right?? Lol I have faith!

  3. Kristan Higgins says:

    Jail does have that chilling effect…


    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Yeah, talk about your conversation-killers. lol

      Onward! Mr. Right is still out there! 🙂

  4. Ed Hoornaert says:

    My 35-year-old son in TO computer dates. He’s tall (6 foot 5), fit, blond, handsome, makes great money . . . and is commitment phobic. Yeah, he should probably have a warning label.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Ed, when he gets over that phobia of his, please send him my way, m’kay? 🙂

  5. Charmaine Gordon says:

    I have faith in you, my friend. “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love”-a song from years gone by so calm down, be your lovely self and move along.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Oh, trust me, I’ve moved on. I have faith that ‘he’ will come along, but I hope he learns to walk a little bit faster. 😉

  6. Carol says:

    Whoa, Kevin! Here I almost threatened you last week about treating Julie nice, but I restrained myself and was polite. Now it turns out I should have let you have it. Wow. Jail, huh? I’m sure that’s a story. Yes, OK, great that he decided to tell you on date #2, but geez, seriously dude? Hon, you have to get to the prince soon, because I swear, you’ve certainly met all of the frogs already!

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Haha, I sure hope so! I’ve got frogs coming out the wazoo! 😀 But rest assured, I have found a guy with serious potential. I know I’ve said that many times before, but this time it’s for realsies! Stay tuned! xoxo

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