Online Dating 101 – Lesson One

Hello, all you beautiful people! Welcome to the first edition of my new weekly segment that delves into the world of online dating. I call it ‘Online Dating 101.’ Inspired, I know. Some of what I’ll be sharing was previously posted on my old blog, but, since I’m knee-deep in the online dating world again, I figured I’d bring it back!

In the coming weeks, you will discover all the dos and don’ts of the internet dating world. You will learn how to decode ‘man speak.’ You will hear hilarious and horrifying tales of dates gone wrong and dates that never made it past ‘hello.’ And, most importantly, you will be given all the tools you need to get out there and find Mr. Right! So, without further ado, let’s begin….

Today’s topic is…WHY? Why is it so hard to find a man? Also, why choose online dating?

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she must decide to either start adopting more cats, or make room for a purrrson in her heart. I’m sorry, but I’m not about to strap on a slutty dress and hoochie-mama heels to lure a guy home with me from a bar. I’ve spent far too much time playing the damsel in distress at Home Depot, and my sausage jokes in the meat section of the grocery store aren’t going over as well anymore.

Back in 2012, I lost my online dating virginity to eHarmony, or eHarms as I like to call it. I tried the ‘free membership’ for a while. Because I’m a cheapskate. I also enjoy trying to cheat the system. Didn’t work so much. See, there’s one itty-bitty (GINORMOUS) problem with the whole free membership thing: you can’t see their pictures. I’m not a shallow person, but physical attraction is kinda important in the grand scheme of things. Part of me was terrified I was communicating with fifty-year-old bald men with beer guts. We’ll get back to that.

So, you’re officially a member! Now what? Create a profile! It sounds easy, but is it? No. No, it’s not. First off, it takes over an hour to answer all the questions. Then you have to upload pictures and spruce up your profile in case someone who’s into aesthetic appeal has his eye on you. And once you’re finished with all the nitty-gritty details, you finally get to ‘see’ all your matches. *shudder* *twitch* *gag* *thud* *gag* *gag* *gag some more* Suddenly all your worst fears are coming true. Fifty-year-old bald men with beer guts really ARE checking you out.

How does one weed through all the…less than average Joes on their way to finding someone who doesn’t induce the vomiting reflex upon first glance? Time, patience, alcohol, bleach, etc. There’s no easy way, I’m afraid. You must search through every profile. And whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to get a good gut feeling just by the guy’s name alone. “Oooh, his name is Gabriel. I bet he looks like an angel.”/conversation I had in my head before viewing Gabriel. I still haven’t recovered.

Online dating seems to be the way of the future, so if you’ve been resisting up till now, you might want to rethink that strategy. Of course, we’ve graduated from the eHarms of the world, to Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble, just to name a few.

It’s not all bad. You’ll find some good ones, trust me. You’ll even be thrilled to know that some of them have superior language and communication skills, too. We’ll discuss that further next week when my special guest, Jessica, will shed some light on the ‘stages of communication’ and the ‘five least sexy things to say in an email.’

If you have any personal experience with this subject, do let me know and I’ll schedule you for a guest spot! Hope you enjoyed the intro to Online Dating 101, and stay tuned for next week’s edition! Hugs and smooches! 🙂

4 thoughts on “Online Dating 101 – Lesson One”

  1. Michelle Kelly says:

    Hi! I agree with you on some points. I agree with your pictures points but not for the same reasons. It could be because of our different desired end result. From your post it seems like you are really focussed on someone’s looks. Let me elaborate.

    eHarm – I know you indicate you are a cheapskate to pay but if you are you so cheap not to invest in your future? When I was on there, I would never for a second pay any attention to a profile with no pictures. If the person is too much of a cheapskate to put effort into a serious dating site, then they were not the person for me, regardless of looks. It also makes you think that there is something to hide. Are they married and cheating? Too frugal to date? So many reasons. I personally really liked answering those questions. I felt my matches were really close in mutual desires. In my case I 100% did not want to birth more children, and the site completely took away any men that wanted to start a family. The man could have been Ryan Gosling and that would not have changed my mind. I also was 100% no smokers. So those questions did a great job or ensuring I did not waste time there.

    Pictures – I would not use the pictures just for the person’s looks. If they had kind eyes or if their profile intro was hilarious I would be interested. The biggest attraction TO ME, is a personality. I would also use the pictures to dissect the background. Were the pictures only bathroom selfies? Did the man always have a beer in his hand in the pictures? Was he on a vacation? Did every picture have his motorcycle front and centre? Was it obvious in the picture he had his arm around another woman but cut her off? Boy oh boy we could have a great discussion on the pictures people choose for dating sites. I alway looked at those surroundings and paid very close attention to the profile introduction.

    In your quote – “How does one weed through all the…less than average Joes on their way to finding someone who doesn’t induce the vomiting reflex upon first glance?” —- I know you and I know you are trying to be funny but I really think that there is someone out there for somebody. If the person happens to have a double chin or is super emo, I still believe that there is a match for them. It is always good to remember that someone is not always swiping in the right direction on our looks too.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      Thank you for your very thoughtful comments! This response could be a segment unto itself! I should have clarified about the eHarms thing. Originally, I tried the free membership, but I eventually ended up getting the paid membership. I won’t deny there are some very good qualities about the site, but I really don’t think it’s as ‘scientific’ as it claims to be in terms of matching people. Almost all the guys I was matched with on eHarms in Ottawa were on Tinder as well, so it just makes me think that they’re finding single people in a similar age bracket, and presenting those as your ‘scientific’ matches. I think a lot of it is BS. You may disagree, but that’s my opinion.

      I too agree that there is someone out there for everyone, and I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. For every right swipe I make on Tinder, there are probably twenty guys left-swiping me. I get that. What’s happening in the pictures is of the utmost importance to me. Dirty bathroom mirror selfies are an instant turnoff. Shirtless tattoo pics, or I’m-so-strong-at-the-gym pics don’t do anything for me. Drunk pics, pics of them with chicks who look a little too friendly, or smoking pics…also not happening. The bios are my bread and butter. If a guy is willing to take the time to write SOMETHING (the wittier the better), then I figure he’s worth a second look. 🙂

  2. Carol says:

    I did chuckle over your “Cheapskate” comment. Hey, at least you got a great story with a great title out of it! Plus a ton of material to store away and use later. I feel like this whole discussion is a mini Soc course. (Or maybe Psych!) Best of luck in the dating world and I’ll look forward to reading more.

    1. Julie Evelyn Joyce says:

      😀 Very true! I wish it was a SOCK course. If I was a Soc teacher, I’d give all my students socks. lol. Thanks for the luck! xo

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